Ruining Christmas With Jean-Paul Sartre

Hello again wellwishers…

Just starting a new collaboration that I wanted to tell you about. A very exciting project with a French philosopher. He’s called Jean-Paul Sartre and he’s agreed to write some pithy stuff about Christmas for me which I’m going to weave into my tapestry of disappointment. The project is called ‘Ruining Christmas’ (Ruiner de Noël) – and I think it’s going to work out great. Hopefully available as a book to order soon as the ideal Christmas gift. I may even be translating some of his stuff into French. It will probably lose some nuances, but I would hate for his native audience to miss out.

My bro Jean-Paul.

Business Graffiti

So, you own a hugely successful graphic design and art brand ‘Obey’. What could be better than coming to a city and co-opting protest politics to help increase your profile and sell more products…

I’ve annotated the images so you can see what is really there… a bit like in the film ‘They Live’ by John Carpenter, where Shep Fairey ‘appropriated’ the word ‘Obey’ in the first place…

“…go home yankee hipster…” – gotta love it…

Playstation3 – Downloadable Theme

Ups and Downs – Theme for Playstation3

Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. But you never stop playing. Dirty dishes, tangled cables, occasional dangerous trips into the real world and sometimes a rather limited diet… well, we’ve all made sacrifices. At least your thumb muscles are epic.

Downloadable from the Playstation Market (look in your Playstation)

Animation for Pop Video – Pollyn

My friend Adam asked me to make a vast army of running stickmen for his band’s new video. It really helped me get my animation chops up to speed. I started by videoing real runners from my bicycle to get a perfect side on position. Then splitting the video into frames, then drawing stickmen over the video frames. About four weeks work for a few seconds animation. Worth it! Great song too…

Student Graduation Hat – Studenterhuen

It’s graduation week for high-school students in Denmark… everyone gets a graduation hat. And then the drinking begins.

There are a huge number of hat related graduation traditions. For example:

Everyone in your class writes their name in your hat.
The person with the biggest hat size buys everyone a beer.
Your best friends must bite the brim of the cap.
Each time you see the sunrise you get a notch in the sweatband.
Stay awake for 24 hours and you get to wear your hat backwards.
Have sex with a classmate you used to hate and get a square notch in the sweatband.
Drink a case of beer and wear the bottle cap as a badge.
Get your stomach pumped and tear off the brim.
Fuck the doctor or nurse and take off the chinstrap.
Bathing nude and get waves drawn on your hat.
Fuck a biology teacher and draw a beetle.
Sex with the hat on? Draw lightning on it.
Drunk under the table get a notch cut in the sunshade / peak.

and more and more and more…

Where Do Ideas Come From? Part II

As we all know, there is no such thing as copying because all the ideas in the world are in a big cloud that anyone can borrow from. It’s called the internet. By pure co-incidence, the company ‘We Are What We Do’ has used a style of typography so very similar to my work for their latest enviro-cash-in shopping bag horseshit. Just like they totally co-incidentally channelled Parra in their last design by accidental inspiration project ‘I Am Not A Plastic Bag’ with Moira Hindley. Why re-use plastic bags when you can re-use other people’s illustration styles?

But don’t despair. I have the solution. The bag you really need IS plastic. You need the Jody Barton Kevin Spacey Art Student American Beauty Plastic Bag. A premium quality 5p plastic bag with the ghostly visage of the late Kevin Spacey. Guaranteed to blow in circles in the lightest breeze. Please select clockwise or anti-clockwise model at checkout.

Tokyo Launch – Black Humours

My new Japanese T-shirt label ‘BLACK HUMOURS’ made in collaboration with Junichi Hirasawa, will be having it’s launch event at the super-cool Utrecht bookshop and gallery store ‘NOW IDeA’ in Tokyo on Tuesday 19th April. The showroom will continue until Sunday 1st May. As well as the collection of amazing new T-shirts there will be signed prints, signed copies of the Black Masters book and other zines by me too. Please go along if you’ll be in Tokyo then. We will also be taking wholesale orders. We’ll be showing more than 20 designs, including shirts, some girls clothes and maybe accessories.

Black Humours – Tokyo Showroom
Tuesday 19th April until Sunday 1st May
2F 5-3-8 Minami Aoyoama
Minato-ku, Tokyo
(closed Mondays)

Haruki Murakami – IQ84 cover

Damn and blast! I really wanted that job. Oh well, I tried my best. Despite writing twice to the publisher and having done the cover to Murakami’s previous title: “What I Talk About When I Talk About Running”, I didn’t get the job of doing his new book IQ84.

I did do some ideas as part of my proposal – so I might as well share then here. Shame they won’t ever be wrapped around the great man’s words.

Drawings From Magazines

Take a big collection of porn, contact mags, fashion mags and plain old ‘style’ rags. Do a lot – I mean hundreds – of drawings from the magazines, mostly respecting the viewers foreshortened perspective while reading and then arrange lovingly in a pocket sized book which shows both the front and back of all the drawings. The back of a marker pen drawing is beautiful I think.

78 pages of dire filth. Delivered.

£9.50 from my store:

The $100 Billion Dollar Screenprint

As I’m sure you’re aware, Japan is in the throes of a devastating humanitarian crisis after an earthquake and tsunami of unprecedented size. More than 10,000 people are likely dead and there is a nuclear contamination problem that threatens to exceed even that of the Chernobyl disaster.

I felt helpless to assist.

Apparently the financial cost of reconstructing the affected areas is likely to exceed $100 billion US dollars.

Then I received an email from a charitable organisation promising that if I was able to donate a screenprint then it could help raise some funds for the Red Cross’ relief effort. But that not only would it help them, it would help me achieve good exposure for my work.

“…We have no money and we’re looking for illustrators that could help us bring this to life, it could be great way to do something good and to get good exposure for your work…”

That clinched it for me. Never mind people with radiation exposure sleeping under a piece of wood in a post-apocalyptic landscape surrounded by decomposing corpses – I now had the motivation I needed.

So, I’ve designed a limited edition screenprint. It’s an edition of 01. And that print costs $100 billion US dollars. I’m expecting interest mostly from governments, especially those with big defence budgets. Co-incidentally Britain is considering spending $100 billion+ on a new nuclear submarine program. What better way to say ‘I Care’ than to spend that money on this print instead.

Click to donate – I did:

Terrain Dur – Bike Polo Show – Le Havre

Pierre-Adrien Dracon and Fabrice Houdry are bike culture freaks and gallerists. They are organising an art and culture show all about Bicycle Polo. That’s Polo – y’know, like with horses that toffs play, but on bikes. Bike Polo is an old sport with a renewed fire. The fixie fashion has stimulated interest in it, and it’s really taken off again.

I need a place to stay in Le Havre in France. Do you know anyone who has an apartment to rent there in May? Or maybe in Rouen? Or somewhere nearby. I thought I’d go down there, soak up the cheeses and also be at the art show to make some film, shoot some pics and do some drawings.

So, who wants to lend me / rent their place? I’ll need something from early May.


Eugène & Pauline – Artists Editions
Fabrice Houdry – Artist & Curator

Paris – This Week’s City of Culture

Er, hi… or should I say “Bonjour”.

Because I’m bourgeois I travel around Europe eating in fancy restaurants, wearing pointy toed suede boots in a fetching maroon colour and looking at fine oil paintings through my monocle. In the past this blog has been too concerned with maintaining an easy and accessible tone. So, from now on I will be dealing with high culture, fine wines etc.

This week we are in Paris, city of romance. And looking at some interesting paintings by Jean-Léon Gérôme; a Frenchman. Some of his exquisite works are on show at the Musee D’Orsay in Paris right now. Here’s some I liked.

Enveloppant la Salope
(Throwing a Cloth Over The Bitch)
In this painting we see a sculptor and his new mistress and model throwing a cloth over a nearly completed sculpture of the artist’s old mistress. The sculptor is pretending to wash his trowel while sneaking a glimpse at her vag.

Stagiaire Interminablement Intern
Intern Interminably Interned
Here we see a girl from a good family who has just graduated from the London College of Printing. She is working for free in a sculpture factory in Hackney painting a ‘limited edition’ of mass-produced street art statuettes for the Chinese market. She thinks she’s hit paydirt and is planning to upgrade her iPhone. The iPhone is actually made in China so this is a beautiful example of economic circularity and solid evidence of fiscal recovery.

Aucun Vagin Plus Chaude Jeune Pour Toi Grand-père
No More Hot Young Vagina For You Grand-dad
This poignant painting illustrates the exact moment that despite being a smoking hot piece of ass straight out of school with a un-quenchable desire to fuck, that stupid dried up grump would rather spend all day sanding a cold, boring lump of stone – even if I do an exact impression of it – identical in every way.