Rabbit Hunting

Last night I rushed from the house at dusk wearing just a T-shirt on my top half. I was seething with heat and warm right through. The setting sun was the deepest brightest red you can imagine. Pure and terrible. I was hunting rabbits across the field. I was running on all fours, ass naked, with my credit card in one hand and my mobile phone in the other. I didn’t catch any, but my girlfriend did and was happily feeding a baby rabbit to a human baby who was happy to gum the soft flesh like a juicy scrap of warm greasy chicken. I held the body of a tiny rabbit in my hand and could easily peel away the skin and get to the nourishing flesh beneath. I raised the skinned corpse to my nose and smelt nothing.

Pick Me Up – Crest Aftermath

So here’s some pictures of the ‘Crests on Request’ day at Pick Me Up 2012. I’m tired, and my drawing arm is black and blue. Thanks to the amazing assistants who helped me take bookings, and thanks to Pick Me Up for asking me. Sorry if your photo isn’t here, I was so busy I forgot to photograph some people.

Family Crests on Request – PICK ME UP 29th March

Yo! Heraldry Fans. Yeah!

All day (from 2pm) and all night long (until 9pm) at night on Thursday 29th March 2012

NOTE: Entrance is on Victoria Embankment at the lower level – not at the Strand entrance. Nearest tubes are Temple and Embankment.

I will be appearing LIVE (like Rock n’ Roll) and drawing your family crest for you, in whatever way I damn well please. We’ll be concentrating on reality, fun and the future and disregarding your family’s chequered past as vagabonds, weasel hustlers, dung polishers, hog warblers and royalists.

It’s free! Kind of. You’ll get a crest for free. You have to pay £6 or £8 (depending on whether you are middle class or upper class) to get into the whole Pick Me Up event. But then you get to see a heap of exhibitions by great people, and also swan about in the grand buildings etc fantasising about being an aristocrat or tax collector. There will be cappuccino for those with pocket money. Also, I’ll be selling signed posters in the shop and a new book specially published for the event. Woop Woop.

To book tickets – click here
What’s on at Pick Me Up – click here

Also! NEW BOOK! Specially for the event. 20 copies only. From the shop at the event. £4.50

Collaborator Wanted – Video Maker

I need a collaborator who likes making films. I can’t make good ones on my own. I have some ideas but I’m open to anything. We would work on ideas together. You might have skills in acting, editing, animation, puppets or just making stuff up. Whatever. You must have time and energy.

Christmas Hell With John Paul Sartre

I drew this 4 frame picture below in 30 mins in front of a live audience on the internet yesterday against another illustrator from London. That’s SEVEN minutes per drawing. It was a graphic battle! The theme was ‘A Christmas Nightmare’. Each drawing is based on a quote from French existentialist philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre.

Yeah Snitches

(Imagine hip hop beats in your head)

I got pages
that go on for ages
451 fahrenheit cos my binding’s tight
pull back the covers and climb inside
with the content I’m crammed with
keep you terrified

uh huh


to me the publishing game
it ain’t no thing
whether you bind perfect
or with a ring
keepin’ it black n’ white
’cause it’s more real
uh huh yeah what up
my total skill.

uh huh


I’m a pen master
spell caster
don’t got no wizards hat
use a motorcycle helmet
it’s faster
drawing runes and spells to scare ya
I’m a rockin’ solid mutha
And I just don’t care yeah.

(lyrics from Street Zine Machine by Hipper Hopper JB Bopper MC © 2011)

Him no prick get me.

Photos by Rasmus Stolberg